It's Hard Being a Human

I’ve been awake a total of two and a half hours, and I already know what kind of day it’s going to be.

A struggle.

I’m disorganized, indecisive, feel misplaced, and on edge. By on edge, I don’t mean irritable. I mean, like my insides are a ball of rubber bands popping one at a time. So, what do I do?

I do nothing.

That seems counter productive, but I just don’t know what to do. I don’t feel myself. And when I feel like that, I don’t know what to do with that.

A BPD flare up.

A BPD flare-up involves intense, sudden, and often overwhelming episodes of emotional instability, paranoia, and impulsive behaviors, usually triggered by real or perceived rejection, conflict, or high stress.

So, I will sit through it. I will put all of this out here for cyberworld to see. I will go to sleep. I will make a list of things I need to accomplish to get myself back on track. I will handle the business I need to handle as best I can to get ready for work, (did I mention I feel disorganized?) I will go to to work and do what I do best, which is perform.

Tomorrow is a new day. As per usual, following a day like this, tomorrow I will be manic. But a good manic. I will clean and organize the shit out of my house. Then.. I will relax.

And it will pass.

Until then.. prayers and understanding, please?